The Winter Widow

while it is true 

that i have begun a new life

and a new love

that i am happy

content and fulfilled

i am also still a widow.

it is the sum total

of all that has come before

i process this synergy

every single day

like remembering to pick up

the winter coat from the cleaner 

put it on when I pass the restaurant

where I spilled wine on the hem during

our dinner that last week.

i pull its fur-lined hood over my ears

when his favorite song rumbles

through the playlist or i bump

into his former employee

at the hockey game where she adds

a scarf about how excited he’d be

that we are in the 2015 cup run

and how he regretted not opting 

for playoff tickets in 2004. 

i use the coat less and less now

no longer my go-to protection

it’s getting worn, tattered

the days are getting warm

i don’t need to wear it every day.

time to take it to the cleaners

have them box it up like 

the wedding dress from ’81

keep it around for the memories?

while it is true it was very cosy 

for three winters and i really don’t 

want to dispose of it

the weight of it is 

more than I need for this spring.

 

Photo by Joshua Hanson on Unsplash